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As in many other professions, mental health issues are a common occurrence and an important topic to address in the world of poker. In PokerNews’ Mental Game Series, we bring these issues to light, as players open up about their personal experiences with mental health and mental game topics.
If there’s ever been a poker player who tells it like it is, that player is Todd “DanDruff” Witteles. Not only does he host Poker Fraud Alert where he sheds light on any shadiness and controversy going on in the poker world, but anyone who follows him on social media knows he’s also opened up about struggles in his personal life.
That includes suffering from severe anxiety and depression, as well as anhedonia – the inability to feel any kind of pleasure. For a while, it took over his life, but things are different.
“In August I had the worst month of my life. For a few months after that I was pretty bad too.'
“I don’t know if I have more pep in my step but I’m very thankful that I came back from what happened to me last year,” Witteles explained. “In August I had the worst month of my life. For a few months after that I was pretty bad too. I developed a chemical disorder in my brain that caused very severe anxiety, depression, and some other very bad psychological issues where I was very messed up.”
He continued: “I could think logically but I could not overrule the way I was feeling. I’d never had those types of problems in my life before, so I wasn’t someone who had dealt with it my whole life. I didn’t know if I’d even come back from it. I knew it was something chemical, there wasn’t something in my life that happened to cause this.”
A Hijacked Life
Among the things the 46-year-old Witteles experienced were the constant feeling of having a lump in his throat, insomnia and an unintentional 32-pound weight loss in a matter of weeks.
Witteles sought medical treatment but nothing seemed to help.
“I wasn’t sure if I would play poker again,” he admitted. “There were times where I was thinking, ‘If only I could come back to the way I was before this.’ I don’t care what happens in poker, I don’t care what happens with anything as long as I can get back to what I was.”
“I think of that sometimes if I’m not running well in poker. I say, ‘I could be back the way I was in August.’'
After a month of little hope something changed everything. Witteles laughed while watching a YouTube video. Not a big deal for most, but for Witteles the positive emotion was the start of a long recovery out of the darkness.
“Slowly I was able to do it. Now it’s almost all gone and I feel normal,” he revealed. “I think of that sometimes if I’m not running well in poker. I say, ‘I could be back the way I was in August.’ I’m thankful about that.”
It wasn’t an easy process, but rather one of trial and error.
“Some of it came back on its own as fortunately, it wasn’t a lifelong problem. There are some people who have dealt with it since they were teenagers and that’s very hard to get rid of if not impossible. I thought to myself it was something new that came on and I tried to figure out things I might have changed when it started that may have made it worse.”
He elaborated: “I had cut out caffeine because people told me I should get off caffeine. I thought maybe should put the caffeine back, I’ve been doing it for 30 years no problem. I put the caffeine back, that helped. I got off medication for something else I thought was contributing to it. I just tried to do what worked for me. Whenever I saw an improvement I’d continue to do it, if it didn’t work I would not continue doing it. It slowly got better on its own. Now it’s just about all gone and as I said I’m very thankful for that.”
Making a Run in the Main Event
Now, Witteles is one of 354 players returning for Day 5 of the 2019 World Series of Poker Main Event. He’s on the shorter side of things with 919,000 – which puts him in 238th place at the start of the day – but it’s still been exciting for the 2005 WSOP Event #36: $3,000 Limit Hold’em bracelet winner.
“It’s been nine years since I was deep in this event. I got 88th nine years ago, but I was short the whole time. I sat there with a short stack between Days 2-6 and just wasn’t busting. This one I haven’t been too short. It’s very exciting to get deep in the Main.”
Busting Main Event is the worst day of the year for most poker players – and it’s going to happen to all but one – but Witteles isn’t fretting it.
“At this point, I just say whatever happens, as long as I don’t screw up the way I play a hand, if the cards come down the wrong way and I lose so be it, it’s the way it’s destined to be. As long as I do the right thing then, whatever happens, happens. No matter when it happens I’ll think back to the way it was 10 months ago and say, ‘I’m not that way anymore, and in that, I’m doing great.’”
Poker Fraud Alert
Witteles is also excited to continue devoting attention to his long-running show and forum Poker Fraud Alert, which has a legion of devoted followers.
'People can bash me and I let them. I don’t ban people for saying bad things about me or anybody.'
“It’s a poker forum where people can come and say anything,” Witteles said. “There are very few rules. It’s a free speech place. I don’t like deleting a lot of posts. People can bash me and I let them. I don’t ban people for saying bad things about me or anybody.
“It’s especially a place that if someone cheated you in poker, a company cheated you, or you got mistreated by a casino, you can come there and post it. Not only can you post it without it being deleted, I’ll comment and be very neutral and fair on the whole thing.”
In addition to the forum, Witteles also hosts a weekly internet radio show, which is also available in podcast format. It’s there that he covers all sort of topics with a special focus on anything shady going on in poker, which as he points out “unfortunately happens a lot.”
For more on Witteles follow him on Twitter @DanDruffPoker.
Follow Witteles’ run on Day 5 of the 2019 World Series of Poker Main Event by keeping up to date via PokerNews live updates here.
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